What if…

Have you ever thought about your life in a “what if” context? Don’t get me wrong, I love my life and there isn’t much I would change about it. I love my husband and my child and wouldn’t trade either of them for anything else in this world. But, occasionally I day dream or get lost in my own thoughts and think “What if I would have done this or that instead?” Again, not thinking about my life in regret. Just thinking.

You see, I had this plan since I was 7 years old. I know, I know – what 7 year old’s ”I’m gonna be this when I grow up” is realistic? I wanted to be a doctor. An Endocrinologist to be exact – helping children with diabetes, for obvious reasons of course. I carried that dream with me all throughout my years in school, even college. I applied to medical schools and I applied to physician assistant programs all across the country. I took all of the special entrance exams and I was accepted to medical school. But my dreams were squashed by my parents telling me I would have to figure out how to survive and pay for cost of living and paying back loans all on my own. Having a disease and being told I wouldn’t stay on their insurance – terrified me. So I gave up for the first time in my life. I decided to look for permenant work and my own life. I applied for hundreds of jobs before I graduated from college in 2006. Literally, hundreds. I received a few offers, but none that my parents thought were acceptable to brag about to people. Complicated people, right? So, I went out on a limb and wrote an email to a pharmaceutical company manager, explaining to him that I had applied for jobs with his company numerous times, with no response and explained why I wanted a job with this company so badly and what a great asset I would be as a new college hire.

Very unconventional to say the least. And if you asked him today, he would tell you the same thing, but that it was gutsy. He met with me and mentored me. I was offered two jobs with two different pharmaceutical companies and I accepted one in another state. With some distance from my family. It was a blessing and exactly what I needed. More than I realized it was at the time and even now so. It was the greatest move and decision I ever made. It was completely against what my parents wanted. But I needed to spread my wings.

So as I sit here, present day, I wonder what I would be doing this very second if my life had taken a different turn. If I had had different parents, gone after my dream and grabbed it and didn’t let go. Of course your dreams are always changing. Every second of every day sometimes. That’s what my life has been like anyway. My dreams are every changing. I guess my point is – I’m really glad with the way things turned out. With a split second decision in life – the best things in the world can happen.

I’m glad I was persistent and chased after a different dream and glad I had the influences going on in my life at the the time to fuel that persistence.